Assertiveness

The boss asked you to stay overtime today? It doesn't suit you very well. It's Friday. You had other plans ... but you agree, because what else is left for you?

A new customer came today? You informed him about your service fee, but he said he would pay you 30% less. You agree even though you know the rates on the market. You know, that your friend would take more. You agree to the client's offer because you do not have the courage to get your own way, but you feel that you are taking away the opportunity to earn a decent income again. Frustration sets in.

You have a great idea for solving a problem at work, you make a proposal on the forum, but your colleagues laugh at your suggestions. You feel that your solution would improve a lot, and although you have the decisive vote, you agree to another proposal. You cannot say outright that this time you will decide for yourself. You feel unimportant and ignored.

Do you know these situations? Can you put yourself in such circumstances? Have you been there? Or maybe it happens notoriously to you? What are those situations saying about you? What do you think you are missing?

Assertiveness ... You've probably thought about it more than once. You thought, “If I was more assertive, instead of sitting overtime on Friday, I might spend my time with my kids. It's been a long time since I went to the playground with them. " Or "If I could tell the client that my salary is non-negotiable, there would probably be more money in my account today". Or maybe "if my solution were implemented, my boss would appreciate my creativity and I would finally get the promotion I have been dreaming about for years".

So what is assertiveness? Did you know it's the ability to set limits clearly? It is the ability to express your feelings, emotions, and needs in such a way as to stay in harmony with yourself and not hurt anyone at the same time ... And let's understand each other well. If you tell the boss, "I'm sorry, I'm leaving today as normal. I have plans for the weekend” of course it might make him feel offended, but that wasn't your intention. Assertiveness is the ability to express your needs without intentionally offending others. Do you see the difference? Let's try with a more illustrative example. You have a friend who wants to see you every day and interferes with your free time. She wants to go to the cinema with you another Saturday in a row. You refuse because you already have other plans (doesn't matter what plans) and you dream about finally doing what you have planned yourself. Your friend will surely feel offended. Was it your intention to hurt her? NO! You just had other plans. You express your needs and your feelings. You're assertive.

It is a great art to refuse in an assertive manner, to talk about your feelings and emotions, setting limits. Building assertive messages is not the easiest thing, especially for people who have problems with a lack of self-confidence.

Perhaps for many years, you have felt yourself in the shadow of accepting other people's suggestions without completely identifying with them. Perhaps you respected the emotions and feelings of others, completely forgetting your own. No matter how long you have been in this way of acting. It's time for a change! You know everything can be learned! Build assertive statements as well.

You are three steps away from expressing your feelings assertively. Not much, isn't it?

FIRST: Calmly, carefully consider how you feel about the situation. Your emotions are important. Articulate them! Loud… don't just hide them in your mind. What you are feeling is not up for discussion. Opinions can be questioned, but not feelings! You don't argue with them.

SECOND: Specifically say what the other person did that caused you to feel the way you do. Describe them precisely, thoroughly, do not spare the details.

THIRD: And probably the most difficult… tell him what you expect in this situation! What you do not want and what future behavior you want to experience from him.

The simplest way we can down to the following formula:

"I feel that ... when YOU ... and I expect ..."

Simple isn't it? Or maybe not quite? Be vigilant, I'll develop a topic in the next few days. Here you will find a short video with detailed examples and practical tips.

Remember! You are important! Your emotions and your feelings are important! Don't belittle them! Express yourself. The fact that you say what you feel will not hurt anyone!